HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT in my small family. The youngest is finally moving out. Yes, we had a slight gap between graduation and finding that “right job,” so I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying his company and wet towels for an extra year but the child promises (swears on his life) that the trucks are coming next week. My baby is finally ready to venture out on his own, delve into those deep waters, navigate those wide highways, climb those tall mountains BUT will they be the Flint Hills or the Himalayas? Frankly, I’d settle for the Alps, even the French side as long as he doesn’t bring over his dirty laundry every week. Now, it’s unprofessional of me to discuss my latest (and certainly most unwanted) client but my kid has terrible taste and no sense of budget. Some of the ties he puts on with his work shirts, simply unexplanable… Anyway, Kyle (as I chose to name him along with 327 other moms decided to name their bouncing boys) wants a cross between clean-line modern, a tad of California, a bit of Colorado, a lake theme with a boat, and something about Fixer Upper but I stopped listening when he hit the more western states). I gave him a checklist of items needed (along with a laminated duplicate copy for his better half, the potential future wife). He threw it back at me, not sure he exactly ready my thought provoking scribble, and stated “just do it.” Apparently I’ve become a Nike commercial.
So I suggested to Kyle, “after my time for Mommy” that he glance at Pinterest or look at the many, many, many magazines and design books I have displayed around the house. Two hours later, the laughter subsided. I never knew that guys didn’t “play with Pinterest and that I would have a hissy fit if he misplaced one of my so-called vignettes. I finally handed him a blank sheet of typing paper and told him to write down a couple of colors he could tolerate and the things that were important to him while keeping in mind the square footage and layout of the new space. I know that your first place is a big freaking deal but hysterically giggling through 2 reruns of Chicago P.D. Come on!
On my “tip sheet,” I tried using betting terms, like our family was in Vegas choosing odds on a game, but when that failed to register on either of their faces, I pointed at the computer and said pick something. For example; choose a couple of paint colors for accent walls. It might make the place feel more adult and a leader among the other apartments. Nod your heads if you understand. Rugs. Rugs good. Rugs made a room feel warm and help to define an area while adding pattern and texture. Pick rugs. A gallery wall. A gallery wall can be a large focal picture with smaller accents surrounding but in this case, let’s just frame anything. Let’s fill up the whole space. So choose your favorite pictures, magazine tear sheets, piano music, comic book covers.
Next, invest in a good mattress. I’ll let you two be involved in that one without me. Also buy cheap bedding. You can always add the “foufou” with pillows. Plus, you claim that I forgot to teach you how to make a proper bed, so forget about it. Lighting. Really, really important stuff. As an adult, we sometimes work from home and we need to be able to see our computers and laptops so a few lamps; great investment. Storage. I know the closets look big without the merchandise in them but all apartments lack storage. The apartment fairies deemed it true long before we were born so purchase baskets, under the bed containers, anything plastic. If you decide to become a Costco member, which I will explain the importance of big box stores at a later date, absolutely nothing will fit. It’s your imagination working over time.
“MOM, YOU JUST DO IT! WHAT’S THE POINT OF YOU, IF YOU DON’T DO THIS? I MEAN SERIOUSLY?”