But let’s not rush into that. If you’re OCD (self-diagnosed) like me, horrible things go through your mind as you are straightening out the bric n’ brac your housekeepers just cleaned and placed 2″ from their proper placement. Do you have difficulty breaking up with the bamboo floor lamp inherited from Great Aunt Gertie that give your French Country room a Hawaiian flairDoes rearranging pillows become a nightly ritual that feels as satisfying as a good backrub? Does your heart peel a bit knowing that Home Goods closes at nine when you have the itch to shop at eleven (Walmart; here I come). Do you need the dishes out of the sink, properly cleaned and put away before closing your eyes and wondering why your not a Kardashian or even a Jenner?
Shit happens. We have all been there and worn the t-shirt but obsessing over placemats (let alone napkin rings) has become my lifestyle. We need to become more resilient and learn not to be some pathetic loser spending hours saving ottomans on Pinterest or watching episodes of Fixer Upper where Joanna Gaines tears down a wall, makes Chip add some shiplap, and accessorizes with Parkhill Designs (and yes, it looks fab).
I want to become exclusive with my bric n’ brac. Not just buy a piece that appeals to me and assume it will fit somewhere in my island, making it virtually impossible to use for eating (which is really no biggie since my kid haven’t had a home cooked meal in at least seven years). When wheeling around the shops, I feel like my strongest self, fulfilling a primal need; overdrawing my checking account. Relationships with inanimate objects takes on a whole new persona. I am building a life with that 90″ sofa. That coffee table I purchased for a steal will tell the tale of the 15 tequila shots from the previous night. That cozy swivel chair in just the right shade of Burmese leather knows that my adding CNN on my cell is simply a hot mess because we elected Barnum for President. Yet despite my wish to be normal, I still want to maintain plausible deniability.
So if “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” lets me go at an interior design shop running it’s yearly sale.